[ADVICE] Would you live separately from your husband for an extended period of time?
The issue we have is DH is currently studying IT at TAFE and his lecturers told them yesterday that there is no work here anymore really. Most of the the students will need to move for work. We are seeing this first hand as one of DH's friends did the course last year and cannot find work in the field without moving to a larger city down south.
DS is currently doing speech therapy, occupational therapy and apart of an Early Childhood Development Program that is literally changing his life. We have been on waiting lists for these for a while and the money comes out of our FAHCSIA funding (which runs out when DS is 7). My fear is if we move for DH's work we will go to the bottom of waitlists (some of which can be extensive) and DS will regress. He also takes ages to click with people and I hate to think that he might not 'click' with someone new.
I suggested DH move if he gets a job offer in an area we agree on (pretty much Victoria or parts of NSW) and the kids and I will go down when DS is ready for school (2014). I assume DH could find share housing close to work and public transport to save money for us to move. He could also come up during the year. I'm just so unsure what to do here. It seems silly that we spent all this money and DH's hard work for him to have a diploma he can't use.
Hmmm. No I don't think it's crazy. I was recently chatting to a friend, she just had a baby, her DP is ADF and she hardly gets to see him. She moved to QLD from Melbourne when pregnant because that's where he was based, and now she has no family support, no boyfriend, just her. So she's been thinking about moving back to Melbourne. Every family is different. How would you go though, with 4 kids and one on the way by yourself? If you think you could handle it, I don't think it's crazy. After all, like you said, what's the point of all of this studying if DH won't use his degree?
A completely different situation but my DH went away for work for 3 months and it was horrible. He left ADF to be around when we started a family so when he had to go away it was really difficult on all of us. I have 2 older kids too and it was still hard! lol.
I definitely know I could never do it for an extended period of time. Not that I rely on my husband or anything, but the extra parenting person helps more than I ever thought possible.
I wouldn't do it. We decided to stay where we are currently although my H had a better job offer elsewhere just so our son could continue with his current therapists. Then the plan is to move together and try to find the best school options for our son then. I think breaking your family up like that would negate the positives of keeping your son in therapy.
Sometimes you just have to do what you have to do. things to think about is I'm assuming your DH enjoys what he is studying and wants to use his diploma and its in a field he loves. that would help him being away, would that satisfaction make up for being back with your guys but not working in a job he enjoys itms..
DH and I have been doing a long distance relationship for a fair part of our relationship. I've been trying to work out actually how long but it has been about 50%/50%, I have had to work away, we have though never been more than 3 hours away from eachother (the furthest was when we first started dating and we were in different cities because I was doing my midwifery), since then the furthest has only been 2 hours, so it was possible for me to come home on my days off (simply put 'weekends' even though most of the time it was during the week).
It is hard. communication is the big thing...you have to remember to keep talking to eachother, probably more than you would if you were there everyday. we talk on the phone atleast twice a day, and txt msg eachother all the time (normally only limited by the fact he is driving all day)
we don't have little kids though (yet), so that would change things too, and is a side I have no experience in.
I personally think maintaining your DS's program is really important...and should be a priority. but thats something you guys need to decide.
I hope I helped...Its a bit early and Spock is taking all my brain cells, but if there is any specific questions or anything let me know =) I'd love to help you out.
I've done it. Its hard. Really hard, but personally, for me having a break from ex was worth it.
I would not move DS while you have whats working for you. Its not worth it to start all over again, especially when DS doesn't just work with anyone. Especially when you never know how long its going to take to restart it all again.
I would also see if DH can do something else til you're ready to move. & have all your referrals & appointments ready when you go.
If that is your DH moving then that is what happens until Master A is old enough.
I'll probably be in this situation next year, with my OH being away out of the country 2 weeks out of 4 for the next 5 years. While we have no kids it won't be that bad, once we do, then it could be interesting. I may contemplating moving closer to family & the nature of my OH's job is that we can live anywhere in the world.
I just had a quick look on Seek and Careerone out of curiosity (clearly I'm super busy at work ) and there are IT positions available up that way. It's hard to say if they are suitable, not knowing what area of IT you DH is getting into, but there is stuff out there. The idea of work from home is a great one. Even if a position is based in another city and your DH would have to go in every now and again for meetings, etc, it would be worth looking at if it means he's home most of the time.
Just curious, what is it about Adelaide that you're not keen on? I'll admit I'm somewhat bias , but moved here from Sydney and don't regret it for a second. Much prefer the lifestyle here plus it is much cheaper than Sydney (or Melbourne).
Talk to the people who are doing his therapy. You never know there might be a way for the funding to go with you, stranger things have happened
It is a hard one to call. If you have support where you are it might be worth staying until the baby is born. The other thing is he has to get a job forst and foremost. This could take time.
Is there anyway he could do another course related to IT until you are all ready to move?
Thats the other thing. think about what you NEED and want when your little one is born. Things you might not think you do, but being where more people are to help and support you would be the best thing (as feelings etc.. re: Sophie may come up) (sorry to assume, but I imagine it is/going to be hard...) ...please tell me if i'm out of line...
No. My DH has always done Fifo type work, since we first met. We struggle when we are apart. I tend to grow resentful, and on his return i feel like an intruder is messing up my house/routines etc.
I accept that work is important, but your DH hasn't even started looking. He may find something turns up unexpectedly and it might be perfect. He may also be more likely to get offered a job as he has a family and stability, which might be lacking in other applicants. It's great he loves his work. Hopefully that comes through to prospective employers. I do get that it's tough. My sister lives in FNQ and she is an IT consultant. She mostly works in Melbourne, but has no kids, so it's not such an issue.
I couldn't. Apart from DP and I not being able to spend that much time apart, I couldn't do it to the kids.. They would miss their dad like crazy and that's not fair on them...
I could do it, but I wouldn't do it (again)
FIFO was hard enough, but extended period, nope. Certainly not with 4 kids and a newborn. I would chat to DSs carers and work out what can be done and then look at the options.
Like L&B said, life is too short.
Miss dee DH is doing a diploma of networking. This is going to sound ridiculous but I'm not keen on the heat. I think the only reason he's even thinking about this is DH wants to move out of Cairns and he knows we have until DS goes off to school to do it or it'll be so much harder.
Thanks for all the feedback guys, so much to think about.
Gees, as I read all these replies I'm feeling a bit callous and dysfunctional...
We live apart, and work is the reason. It works well for us. I stayed put in town so the kids could still do all their stuff and I still had my network and DH works in a very remote community. Admittedly none of my kids have special needs though.
My DH took his job for both promotion purposes, because he loves the work and because the money was too good for us to pass up.
I am very independent after doing this for so long (16months now), and we both know it isn't forever. Where I live this is a very common practice.
[ADVICE] Would you live separately from your husband for an extended period of time?
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) and there are IT positions available up that way. It's hard to say if they are suitable, not knowing what area of IT you DH is getting into, but there is stuff out there. The idea of work from home is a great one. Even if a position is based in another city and your DH would have to go in every now and again for meetings, etc, it would be worth looking at if it means he's home most of the time. 
, but moved here from Sydney and don't regret it for a second. Much prefer the lifestyle here plus it is much cheaper than Sydney (or Melbourne).
I would chat to DSs carers and work out what can be done and then look at the options.
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